Are You Kidding Me?

My 'are you kidding me?' moment for the day.

The last two years I've gone to DragonCon, I've enjoyed it. And I've been lucky, extremely lucky. My first year was a gift and everything was taken care of, my second year I lucked out so much, that I never have to worry about fighting for a hotel again.

But I feel so sorry for the people that work in the hotels, I really do. Reading other s posts on FB and seeing that they call every week to try and get a room, and this and that.

I would absolutley lose it. I'm not a people person but I work with the public and I am very very good at it. But the entitlement kills me.

1) If I owned a hotel in Downtown Atlanta, let me be perfectly clear, it would be a one night non refundable deposit for all rooms on Labor Day weekend, regardless why you are there. Maybe that would stop people from booking backup and another backup hotel which they will end up cancelling at some point.

2) DragonCon is not the only game in town. The whole hotel is not for Dragon Con guests and no matter how many times somebody states that people still don't get it.

3) I understand everyone wants to be helpful BUT if you have a reservation from a hotel or get a direct message from a hotel do not share it with the masses unless you have read the entire thing and understand it completely. Two instances have already popped up this year that pertain to this and twice people have gotten burned with some wanting to be pissed at the hotels.

One of These Days, But I Doubt It

One of these days, my staff, board and the like will realize that Wednesday/Thursday are my days off.

I am not open for business 24/7. I have a life outside of work. Emergency...yes. Other than that...no.

But it doesn't always work that way. My staff is a lot better at it than my board. I really do understand but a lot of times there is nothing I can do until I get back into the store. And well, I've been taking Wednesday/Thursday as my days off for the last two years. And before that, it was always either Wednesdays or Thursdays.

I love my job. I do. But sometimes I can't wrap my head around things that happen or go on.

I had a really nice vacation because I only got one text the entire time. Well that needed an attention, all the rest I can say I ignored. As I should have. I was on vacation and should not have been bothered.

Well, that is my mini rant today. In other news, I walked 6 miles today. And now I'm closing in on 20,000 steps for the day. I've also eaten like shit. That's what happens on my days off.

Days Off...Kind Of

As per normal, Wednesday is one of my 2 days off a week. Did I go into work this morning? Yes. Did I deliver product to a customer? Yes Do I go above and beyond to provide amazing customer service? Yes

Did I do much of anything else today? Nope

Did I exercise? Nope

Did I clean the house? Nope

Did I do anything productive? Nope, not really.

I have got to find my motivation. I need it back. It's crazy and I don't like being like this.

Sometimes I feel like everything is falling down around me and other times everything is fine.

Oh, and I forgot to post on the blog last night. I really want to make this a habit.

Just like getting up and walking. Or drinking 64oz of water. Or eating healthier.

UGH....

That's kind of my feeling right now.

Today as a so-so day. I didn't completely overeat but I didn't eat healthy either.

I got no exercise and my throat was horrible today.

And I was so unproductive, at work (regional meetings) and home.

Okay, maybe not completely at home. I did do some more on Mom's afghan and I started to work on MaryBeth's Christmas present. Actually I would have had the latter completed but for some reason my house is a black hole when I'm actually looking for something I need.

So tomorrow I need to do better. I will do better food wise. It's so much easier when I'm at work and have a set schedule, although I did get all my water in today.

But exercise is a different story. So I left for work this morning at 6:30-6:45am and it was still dark. Like pitch black. So the sun doesn't rise until like 7:15am which means to get in my two plus miles, I either have to walk some in the dark or cut it really close because I need to leave the house by 8:45am tomorrow for an early day at work. Which kind of sucks.

I mean I can always wait until I get home but I don't feel it most days.

Regardless, on Wednesday, I want to get in my 6 miles for the 10k and I'm going to try and do another 6 miles on Thursday. Of course that means getting up and out the door no later than 7am, since it will take me 2 hours plus and I don't want to be out when it starts to get hot.

So that's the plan. Onward!

Today's Been a Good Day

Or at least I tried to make it a good day.

I got up this morning, went on a 2.5 mile walk, got some shopping done and only made it to work a little late ;)

But you I know nothing has changed. Or at least it feels like nothing has changed. I have so much work to do, on myself. But it's hard to dig through all the bullshit I throw in front of it every single day to get anything done.

I know I need to take care of myself. I need to exercise. I need to eat better. I need to be more active. And sometimes I push myself to do that but how do I get back to where it's a habit and not a chore.

I have a goal and not an easy one. Well it actually combines multiple goals.

Next year for DragonCon, I want to cosplay as a Fem 50's Riddler. My idea is a purple pencil skirt with 2 embroidered question marks at the base. Sunglasses with purple rims for the mask. My hair tied up in a green question mark bandana. I'll have the question mark cane and I'm still deciding on the top.

So here's the rub, as the saying goes, pencil skirts are not flattering on someone my size. Plus because of my color choices, I make have to make my outfit, which means I'll be teaching myself to sew.

I need to get back in the habit because my goal is to be 180 pounds by next July (smaller would be nice but I'll say 180). That means I need to lose 60 lbs in 10 months. 6 pounds a month on average, which is totally doable but right now, I just don't know how to do it.

But I've got to figure it out.

And I will.

It's Been a Really Long Time

It's been a really long time since I've used this blog page. Over 3 years. Well my life was going pretty good for the last 3 years and then 2016 happened.

I really don't know what's gone on but I'm in a deep depression and I seriously have no idea how to get out of it.

Last year I started walking/running/working out, eating better, and actually lost about 30 pounds.

But something in February changed all that and I can't put my finger on it.

Ever since then it's been one disaster after another.

I have no idea how to get back on track, so I figured, I needed to start journaling again to help. But instead of putting all my feelings down in some notebook, I thought it would be better to use this blog.

I need to be able to express myself. And since this is my blog, what better place.

So a look at 2016...

February...I really don't know what created this deep dark hole I'm in. I've thought and thought about it and nothing, absolutely nothing comes to mind.

March...After trying to get back to walking everyday, I ended up with plantar fasciitis. That crap hurts and it hurts really, really bad.

April...Was supposed to be a good month. Vacation, hanging with friends, seeing some good concerts. 2 days into my vacation and well, all hell broke loose. Gram ended up having a heart attack and in the hospital. She passed away 4 days later. I loved my grandmother but I'm not the most emotional person. I don't know if I've ever truly grieved for any family member that has passed away. One of Gram's cats, Muffin, came to live with me. I immediately fell in love with him.

May...Plantar fasciitis reared it's ugly head again. I kept trying and trying to get out there and move but it just didn't work.

June...Seemed to be such an eventful month that I can't think of anything except for the fact that I still could not get myself back on track and that just made me more depressed.

July...Muffin passed away. I can't even explain how hard that hit me. I'm tearing up right now typing about it. And the worse part was actually seeing him die in front of me. I know he's in a better place, he had been sick before Gram passed away and everyone said how grateful they were that he did not pass before Gram but it hurt. It hurt a whole lot. To make matters worse, a couple days later I sat down with one of my board and the first thing out of her mouth was 'I'm not sure you'll have a job next April'. Really? Because I'm pretty sure I warned you all about this but no, no one listened to the person with all the retail experience.

August...Anniversaries...1 month for Muffin, 4 months for Gram and Gram would have turned 98 on August 17. And once again that same member of my board said again how I might not have a job come April. And people say I'm not optimistic.

September...Well, now it's September. I actually got out and walked 2 days and then nothing the last 3. I need to start being consistent. I need to keep working at it. I need to get back on track.

But I still don't know how.

Getting Back to Writing

I need to start writing, again.

I am not a writer. I don't create beautifully written short stories. Or amazing fan fiction. But I do write. Just write.

I write out my thoughts or things that interest me. Even items that provoke me or make me question so long holding belief.

I write because it is a way to prove I am here. I am engaged. I am taking part in this life and the world around it.

I write because it is therapeutic and cathartic.

But I am not a writer.